Voleda

If there's one thing that I hate, it's being deceived. Today I experienced the ultimate deception at Robert Crown Center for Health Education. After driving in a bus filled with children for an hour I was crammed into a dusty old auditorium where I was lectured on different germs, which turned out to be adorable hand puppets. Deception number 1. Then, I was shown a video about the five senses hosted by ancient cartoon celebrity.... drum roll please... JIMINY CRICKET! Apparently the Robert Crown Center is confident that very little has changed since 1940 and kids born in 2001 still know who the hell Jiminy Cricket is. Crick went on an on about how crickets hear out of their shins... actually wording... only to cup his hand around the side of his head where an ear would be in order to hear his friend several times during the movie. Deception number 2.

Finally, I was told that I was going to meet a very special woman that was waiting for me behind a thick blue curtain. I was also told not to laugh when she talks about her anus and vagina (no joke). I thought for sure a prostitute was going to be revealed in mere moments. Up went the curtain, leaving my eyes to feast on 6 feet of pure transparent glass/aluminum/plastic woman. Deception number 3. She introduced herself as Voleda and told me that she was just like my mommy. Well Voleda, last time I checked I couldn't see MY mommy's boobie tissue and uterus through her glass skin. Deception number 4. She then proceded to bore us all with 30 minutes of talking about all of her organs and where her poop goes. Turns out Voleda came from Germany in 1959 and has been entertaining youngsters ever since. Sounds like a prostitute to me.... I love field trips!