Voleda

If there's one thing that I hate, it's being deceived. Today I experienced the ultimate deception at Robert Crown Center for Health Education. After driving in a bus filled with children for an hour I was crammed into a dusty old auditorium where I was lectured on different germs, which turned out to be adorable hand puppets. Deception number 1. Then, I was shown a video about the five senses hosted by ancient cartoon celebrity.... drum roll please... JIMINY CRICKET! Apparently the Robert Crown Center is confident that very little has changed since 1940 and kids born in 2001 still know who the hell Jiminy Cricket is. Crick went on an on about how crickets hear out of their shins... actually wording... only to cup his hand around the side of his head where an ear would be in order to hear his friend several times during the movie. Deception number 2.

Finally, I was told that I was going to meet a very special woman that was waiting for me behind a thick blue curtain. I was also told not to laugh when she talks about her anus and vagina (no joke). I thought for sure a prostitute was going to be revealed in mere moments. Up went the curtain, leaving my eyes to feast on 6 feet of pure transparent glass/aluminum/plastic woman. Deception number 3. She introduced herself as Voleda and told me that she was just like my mommy. Well Voleda, last time I checked I couldn't see MY mommy's boobie tissue and uterus through her glass skin. Deception number 4. She then proceded to bore us all with 30 minutes of talking about all of her organs and where her poop goes. Turns out Voleda came from Germany in 1959 and has been entertaining youngsters ever since. Sounds like a prostitute to me.... I love field trips!

A Girl Without a Plan

It was really nice of JET to send me a letter while I was relaxing on a Tuesday night.  I had only one fear.  I didn't fear not getting into the program and I certainly didn't fear GETTING in.  What I feared was being stuck in limbo.  I was placed on he alternate list.  The alternate list basically means that I am somewhere on a list of people who may or may not be asked to come to Japan if one of the truly desired people quits or dies.  If I keep myself on the alternate list they can call me any time between now and December and tell me that I'm leaving for Japan.  They can give me from a day to a months time to sort my life out before I leave.  I would have the pleasure of not being able to move or get a steady job in hopes that I will be in Japan some time in the next 6 months (since the starting date of the program... for the winners... is July 25th.)  As appealing as that sounds, I will have to pass. 

What now?  Who knows. 

DUD

I dodge being productive in many different ways. This morning I did some math on Japan. I uploaded the interview sheet from February online. Each person is given a number and the seven different sheets held a total of 44 groups of 8 people... or 352 people per sheet, 2,464 people total minus the 42 missing from the last page... a grand total of 2,422 people.

A chart on JET's website tells me that last year JET took 2,681 people from the United States. With that said, I would like to bet that unless I am a total dud, I will be accepted.

Back to work.

Good day.

McMahon-San

It occurred to me the other day that I have been too busy going on about my obsessions with food and randomness to even post about the interview that I landed with the JET program. It was about a month and a half ago, but I can still remember that it went well. Aside from the question regarding my savage country and its bombing shenanigans back in Hiroshima, it was really light hearted and positive! I think I wowed them with my sharp wit and my honesty regarding the fact that I don't even quite know how to say "hello" in Japanese. Whatever... it's not like I'll be too busy learning my way around, adapting to a new culture, learning how to pee while standing up, without too much splash back I might add, in public bathrooms, making friends as to avoid an entire year of isolation, and brushing up on my Katana skills to learn the language, ya know? Long story short, the interview went well and I even met some people that didn't look like they had wet dreams about Monga every night! CHECK PLUS!



I am supposed to find out... well... NOW whether or not I am Japan bound. Each day I run to my mailbox in search of a rice paper letter or a small folded up Japanese man that will inevitably inform me of my fate. Stay tuned. I have a feeling that the Ed McMahon of Japan is on his way to my house... MAYBE TODAY!?

McMahon-San